Spiritual Advance

Love holds no grievances

Tag: Ego (Page 1 of 2)

A Thrall

It is indeed a miracle
That with such little faith
And all the judgments typical
You constantly embrace

You’re still remain unchangeable
Beyond the worldly strives –
In ways to you intangible
Soul unaffected lies.

And through the constant challenges
You’re facing in your life
Forgotten is your happiness –
You battle, fight and strive!

What’s use blaming the circumstance
Has when you don’t control
Your own forgotten commonsense? –
Your mind holds you a thrall.

Anthropomorphic god

Anthropomorphic god
In my domain
Lives by my rules.

What came he here to do?
Why come to me
Amongst all fools?

Am I a prophet now,
To hear the voice
Unheard to all?

Or from my wits exiled –
Long lost my mind
During the fall.

I tried to understand
How to break free –
All was in vain!

Until I saw the light
Dim and obscure
Beyond the pain.


Thin, ghastly ghost of god
Has been exiled –
I’m all alone.

What’s left is lost to lies –
Myself defiled,
I turn to stone.

Cavern

The cavern – hidden in the dark,
Abode of death – not seen in light,
And only desperate fools embark
On search of cavern in the night.

The fireflies of sin will spark
Luring the travelers away
Foolish enough to walk in dark,
To wander off the well-lit way.

So many souls thus have been lost,
All kept alive: with eyes cut out,
With deafened ears by their host
And tongues severed – they will not shout.

All tied in cavern under hill:
Some fight the pain, but most – asleep,
Dreaming of torture, losing will,
With sightless eyes that cannot weep.

Failed Again

Will I be ever understood?
Trying to share with fellow men
Thoughts nourished in the pensive mood,
I realize – I failed again.

Yet can they ever hope themselves
To share the news of darkest day,
Relax the curse of private hell,
And hope another sees their way?

Yes – hope they can, and hope they will!
In blurry fantasies they might
Perceive that someone will fulfill
The role of savior in their sight.

“Hell’s other people” one might say,
And while he lives another day
And sees the bodies born and die
His “truth” I hardly can deny.

The Cave

Five man tied tightly in one place
In darkest cave, in front of wall
With shadows lurking which they face –
What was before? – They don’t recall.

One man is me, the other – you,
The third is God, and fourth – His Son.
The fifth is Lucifer, he knew:
When all are tied, the Truth’s undone.

You have escaped – God knows not how!
Now you have seen that there’s much more,
And so return and make a vow
To teach us all What was before.

We listen to your sinful craze –
Amazed at heresy untold,
God kills His Son – blood runs for days! –
Smiles Lucifer, and we – behold…

Dark Forest

In darkest forest entered two –
So somber, not a smile is seen.
Thick bushes, dirt they battled through;
Tonight one dies for other’s sin.

The moonless night, clouds hide the stars –
And even owl afraid to cry –
Black trees slit view not unlike scars;
Two sinners walk, but one must die.

A clearing where they arrive
Shows precipice and dark abyss.
The victim hurried with a knife;
They wait – something is still amiss.

Dark mist surrounds unpleasant view –
An omen they’ve been waiting for –
In dead of night slit throat looks blue;
The body hurled with heavy roar.

Learning

Based on ACIM Workbook lesson 8:
My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts

What we believe does live in us,
Our beliefs define our life:
Do we still follow lord of loss,
Do we still live our life in strife?

Or did we found our way through hell
And found the Lord of pure Love –
And who we are is where we dwell:
In pain or peace; below, above?

And sad it is how we do pray
To past and all the pain it taught.
And all the things in hate we say
To us this suffering have brought.

And sad – how we’re preoccupied
With thoughts of lust, revolt, disgust,
With deeds of hate, regret, divide –
So sad how we forgot to trust.

The past is where ego dwells,
The past is our idol still,
The past creates in us such hell,
Burring the remnants of our will.

And being sly, the ego lies
That past can teach us even love –
The love which lives, then always dies
Such “love” which never is enough.

O, how much still you do complain,
That learning’s hard, and vision’s dim!
And how it’s hard becoming sane,
Resisting ego’s wicked whim!

And yet, you’ve learned so much in life:
You’ve learned to judge like no one else,
You’ve learned through hate to live in strife,
And hell itself where body dwells.

You’ve learned so much what matters not,
So much of what makes ego strong,
So much of what condemns One God –
In your eyes always being wrong.

Yet all’s not lost, you’re here now,
And this’s the only time there is.
Through being still you feel somehow
Inside of you the rising peace

Damns ego past, to future prays,
It cannot grasp the present Truth
Illusions only get its praise
“Right now” to it has little use.

When you let go of ego’s shrieks
Be present Now, which’s all there is,
Forgive the hate while ego creeps
And concentrate on your own peace,

You will find out the Truth of life
You will allow yourself to learn.
From Teacher pure, one learns not strife –
Whom you will follow’s what you earn.

The Lessons of the Past

Based on ACIM Workbook lesson 7:
I see only the past.

Through lives of mine, through eons I have dreamed,
I’ve seen all seeming things of universe.
Time after time, life after life I’ve sinned,
And being lost, my lives were but a curse.

All lessons I have learned through many lives
Caused me to see this “life” in ways so new
Each one who in this world so strongly strives
Is destined to perceive this world anew.

It took much time to finally see the Truth
It took me eons, comprehending time
To understand time’s only use
And realize – there is no sin, no crime.

When I laid blinded eyes upon my friend
I did create him sinful, wicked too,
Through seeing not his Self, I did demand
Obnoxious things, so many, quite a few.

When I saw sin in him, I saw the past,
I judged him through all things I learned in life
The ego taught me how to “see”, to “trust”,
How to perceive each one pointing a knife.

Some time ago, it taught me what is sin,
It taught me things a brother should not do,
And then right now I’m bringing into dream
The hate and curse I had to suffer through.

Even when I remembered what is true –
That past and future never could exist –
I still condemned my brother, put him through
The sin of which I’ve learned living in mist.

When I lay eyes upon your own
It is my choice what I decide to see,
Between your love and sin imagined I am torn –
It is my choice what I allow to be.

If I decide to see in you my past,
The things I suffered through and can’t let go,
How can I help developing our trust,
When what you are to me is still unknown?

The past taught me illusions of this world
And mostly bad: hate, suffering and pain,
And even when love did seem to unfold
It always had condition of shame.

And so I look at you, with such past in my mind,
What can I see in you when I still judge you thus?
What can I hope in you to find
When I remember hatred, disgust, loss?

The choice of seeing sin is easily have made,
Yet only this condemns me to the pain.
Through seeing hate – I make it my own fate
Through seeing pain – I am condemned to shame.

Through seeing guilt – the hell in me unfolds,
Through judging you – I’m killing my pure Self.
Being blind to love, your sin I still behold,
Seeing sin in you – I cannot end this hell.

Mistake

Based on ACIM workbook lesson 6:
I am upset because I see something that is not there

O, how much longer suffering will last?
Day after day I am in pain severe
And through the future, in the past
The pain is always with me, always near.

At times like these I am unable seeing straight
I am so wrecked, forgetting all I learn
And all I see in you is anger, hate,
And seeing thus in hell I burn.

But time does heal, and so I wait –
The ones who’re cursed with ego self
Need time to heal the burning hate,
Need time to end this endless hell.

And so I wait, and so I learn –
I look at you and try to find
What did I find in you to mourn?
How did I see in day the night?

I am upset because I saw the lies
I looked at you, but found still burning hate
Through seeing thus my pure Self but dies
Through misperceiving I’m determining my fate.

Through seeing pain I am myself in pain –
I find in you what is in me.
Through making up the lies, I’m lost again –
Not seeing light in you, I cannot truly see.

My friend, be wise, learn from you see in me:
At times I’m lost, do not be fooled by that.
When I am lost in hate, I pray the hate you do not see,
Do learn from all mistakes I’ve made.

When I’m in pain, do not perceive the pain
But please remind me of the Truth
I need to learn, I need to hear again
Of teaching pure, pure use.

Oh yes, I hear you say: “Now wait,
You’re teaching me when you are lost yourself
Trying to show me love, I see your hate
You dare speaking of pure Self?”

Alas, this is mistake so easily have made,
But truly, there’s no hate in me.
Looking at me and seeing anguished hate
You have just destined this pure hate to be.

You are the master of this dream,
You will decide how you perceive –
By seeing you will love create or sin
And then yourself will this receive

I know the Truth, but knowing’s not enough
I’m learning still remembering to see
Each day much better I can see your love
But you can learn much faster, watching me.

Do you still hope to find salvation by yourself?
Do you still think that you’re apart from me?
We’re always one, even in seeming hell –
Before it ends, we must learn each as one to see.

And each mistake I’ve ever made
You have repeated at some time.
Each time you see in me the hate
It but reflects your own unreal crime.

The little voice

Based on workbook lesson 4:
These thoughts do not mean anything

As I indeed did think these thoughts,
As they consumed my very self,
As I cried loudly to the gods:
Why so am I condemned to hell?

What chanced upon my wretched soul
That I heard voice of gods impure?
How did it come that I’m not whole
And gods I hear are too obscure?

The thoughts that chanced upon my mind,
So very murky like the waters dead,
With these same thoughts I tried to find
Who does control my wretched head?

For through these thoughts I am controlled,
I did submit to voice of hell,
And through its saying hell unfolds
Never did I feel pain so well.

It shreds my mind, the voice in my own head,
It burns my soul through lies I hear thus.
The words so clear: “Ay, ‘tis that,
Listen to me, I dare you these words to cross!

I dare you not listen to my voice,
Which’s telling you the only truth.
In fear do submit to my own curse
From all the gods it’s me you have to choose.

Who else can show you way in life,
You wretched, puny little thing?
Who else can end your wicked strife?
But only me, who truth does bring”.

Indeed I listened, and believed –
The things were said that trapped me so.
Through many lies in my life I have lived,
But never I was taken down so low.

For years I listened to the ego thus.
Unknown back then it was to me,
How I the most important battle lost,
Condemning me the sin to see.

I did not know from where it came,
I did not see the voice as hell,
But listened to the curse upon my name –
My very soul almost did sell.

These very thoughts developed so
Through many lives, year after year,
I did not live – existed in a woe,
Unable to control this endless fear.

Yet pure God never condemns,
He never does forget His Son,
But waits for him to come to sense,
And learn how nonexistent sin’s undone.

My thoughts of hate brought me the pain,
Time after time I met the death,
And never knowing that my bane
Controlled my thinking, every breath.

Through suffering untold I learned of fear
And could not listen to the ego anymore.
Day after day the Truth was coming nearer,
I came so close to ego’s wicked lore,

That finally I realized
What did cause all the suffering in life –
Nothing tormented me, but ego’s lies,
Nothing condemned me else to strife.

True God I started hearing then,
As soon as ego went away.
I heard the Pure Voice exactly when
I realized the ego’s ways.

I understood that all those thoughts,
That ego taught me all the time,
Did not have any meaning, but did cause
All suffering I had all through my prime.

All through my life in hell believed,
Yet what is hell, but ego’s wicked voice?
In clouds and mud and mist I lived,
Until I finally have made the choice.

The choice each one, each brother needs to make
In order to undo all suffering and sin.
The choice that finally my Self did wake,
That finally allowed my true life to begin.

The Hunt

Based on Workbook Lesson 2:
I have given this all the meaning

The crowd:
“We’ve finally found it, wicked beast,
That we’ve been hunting for since birth.
It’s time for hate to be released
And end our eternal dearth –

Of peace, of worldly goods and things
That we are striving for, and yet
The beast creates all our sins
And feasts on sins we can’t forget,

Nor can forgive – they’re great indeed!
Created by the Satan’s lore,
Whom with our sins we nurse and feed –
But this can’t go on anymore!

The suffering is greater much,
Than fleeting high we feel at times –
It’s giving us our only crutch,
But then condemning us of crimes!

It dies now – we are on our own
And all the pleasures of this world
Then will be left for us alone
And our new life will unfold”.

The beast:
“Each sin in humans I perceive

I’ve made myself – all go to hell!
They will my suffering receive,
All are condemned in pain to dwell!

I am creator of the sin,
I am the one who’s made the hate,
So let the suffering begin –
All tools of torture I have made!

The way I still perceive myself,
As wretched demon, spawn of hell,
The way I plan to kill their Self…
But, wait – I think I hear the bell! –

They’re finally coming after me,
Trying to hunt the evil pure –
Such fools! – incapable to see:
The force, the fight my strength ensure!

For eons, I have ruled the world
My own creation, where I’m god!
Desires, thoughts and sins unfold
In every sinner – all are flawed!

How do they hope to kill what rules?
No one can live when I am dead!
Their lives are worthless – wicked fools,
How will they fight, when me they dread?

I cannot look but with disgust
At my own subjects insecure,
Sin is my own – they pay the cost
Damned all who’re caught in my allure!

They’re fools, but death I must delay –
There’s more control I’m striving for,
A tempting plan for them I’ll lay
Confusing them with my own lore.


As crowd has made its way up to the tower
Their rage and hatred grew, much more increased,
With hope approached, to bring about the hour,
To bring about demise of their own beast,

Of their creation, spawn of hell which feeds
On anger, rising in the crowd with force –
But fight of fire with fire nowhere leads –
Crowd’s hatred, pain and beast have the same source.


The crowd:
“Bring on the ram, break down the doors!
Let torches light up the whole tower!
Where wicked beast our pain prolongs,
Laying its plans for our devour!

Let’s force it out with smoke of rage,
With hatred bringing it to knees,
And lock it, bar it into cage
Where it can’t spread its own disease.

But look! – The beast leaves its own spire!
Ends here our quest of death so dire –
For long we grew such grave desire
Of our revenge – set beast on fire!”.

“No, we should wait, and let it speak –
Before it dies, let’s hear its words,
In fear it seems so lost and meek –
For now let’s lay aside our swords”.

The beast:
“My subjects, look, open your eyes!

The meaning of your lives is me!
Without me you are doomed, world dies!
Open your eyes – I’ll make you see!

This life seems difficult at times,
But the rewards you get from me!
And even when committing crimes,
Being merciful, I let you be.

The world you cherish is my own,
And yet I share it with you all
For who did put me on the throne,
After you’ve suffered your own fall?

I am protection from God’s wrath!
I am the mirror of your sins!
I am your ego, and our path
Holds us together, ‘ever clings”.


Thus ego spoke, and spoke at length,
While being vile, it’s just as sly,
Depends on blinded eyes its wicked strength,
But anger brings such blindness to one’s eye.

The hatred, guilt, shame, lust, desire,
The struggle, anxious search for one’s own peace,
Can’t lead to peace, but strengthen fire
With fuel of one’s own mental disease.

And so the tale of wicked sin goes on,
And all this meaning we’ve assigned ourselves
To worldly things we’re given on a loan –
Such meaning which corrupts us, overwhelms.

As long as we are willing to exchange
Our very Self and our own peaceful Truth
For ego’s wicked lies, made to derange,
The ego will continue its abuse.

Changes

A joke of life, a cruel game,
That we have no choice but to play,
And isn’t it a tragic shame,
That life of ours does often sway
When we’re unsure of the way,
In which to go, in which to look,
In which to search for our own peace
Not having naught, a shame it is,
Until of past we’ve closed the book.

But even then – the future looms
Not unlike savage beast, vile and unknown,
What does it bring and how it dooms
When all our hopes to it are thrown!
We thus become to suffering so prone.
The changes are where future is,
All changes, all’s consumed tomorrow,
For the unknown brings us our sorrow,
And takes as price our precious peace.

The changes bring the suffering,
And with it come both guilt and shame
For failure of uncovering
The purpose of our hateful blame,
Towards our brothers, who are same
Just as ourselves, in mist so lost,
Of such variety in life,
Which brings calamity of strife,
And in the end we pay the cost.

The cost of peace, the cost of love so true,
The cost for our deeds – unconscious as they are,
They still wear us and drag us through
The world of hell, from peace so far,
As we’re forgetting What we are.
For how would we remember love
When we in sin do still believe
And so with sin imagined we do live
Our pure Self seems cut in half.

Cut by our hate, and separation ‘tween the halves
Is strengthened still, through our guilt and fear,
And through attachment to our plans
That we so cherish, hold so dear,
Not letting Truth approach e’en near,
Out of our fear that it’ll expose
The unreality of all
That we have gathered since the fall,
Afraid of our imagined loss.

The tale of loss keeps us apart,
Believing still in gain through loss,
We fight each other, play our part
In ego’s wicked game of the remorse
That we still feel and cherish from across
The boundary of time and space
Which keeps you “better” than another,
Which keeps you separate from brother,
Unrecognized remains the face.

The face of Christ, which can’t be lost,
Which can’t be gained, for there’s no need
For that of which there is no cost,
That which is you – you need but heed
The words that sound how you are freed.
Freed from the pain and suffering
Of this so weary world unreal,
Of all the shame and guilt you feel,
From all the changes world does bring.

Stumbling on my Path

Based on Workbook lesson 1:
“Nothing I see here means anything”

Alone I have been stumbling on my path –
Through sin and errors I have always made,
A tale of wicked sin a man learns thus –
Through trusting in wrong hands his holy fate.
Where have I been, in places so revolving,
That I have lost my pure will resolving?

And tales of wicked sin indeed I saw
Through putting all my trust in wicked deeds,
Through trusting my own life in ego’s lore
I suffered thus, my heart with pain still bleeds.
And through all things I see, I am condemned,
With lies of world so vile I’m overwhelmed.

Each body or a thing through hate I find
Is seen in blinded eyes as pure salvation’s hand,
The meaning I assign is in my mind
And through investing my whole Self in it, I’m damned.
What meaning did I put in all these things?
Invested into lies, I see the dreams.

Forgiving each and every sin is only path!
Before I can return where I belong,
I must undo the meaning I’ve assigned, and thus
The journey of this world will not take long.
The judgment of all things my eyes did see
Must be undone, before I let my Self to be.

Salvation’s Hand

My mind still holds the deeds of my own life,
The thoughts that I have thought through years
And keeps the feeling, ever slight, of my own strife,
And keeps remembering of my sadness tears.
While being lost, I cried, cried bitterly,
And crying thus, increased my misery.

My mind was raw, untrained and rough,
It kept controlling me, yet I had no control
Of thoughts it thought, which me engulfed,
And deeds it forced upon my soul.
While being meek, mindless I was,
For I was meek only for ego’s cause.

And it went on, for years and years,
My life continued flowing ‘tween the shores
Of ego’s cause, that caused my tears and fears,
But also other Voice, that had a subtle course
Of reaching to my soul and healing all the pain,
And sharing pure love, which I could not explain.

The first time I did hear the Voice of Light
It too did cause slight fear, being opposite of “life”,
(At least I called it “life”), yet its own Might
Did calm me down, put peace in place of strife
And made me question everything I knew,
For long I felt the questions long time due.

My life took course unknown before, and then
The other voice, the little voice of pain and guilt,
Became much louder, reaching from its den
Tried to submit my soul, seducing me with gilt.
Yet all the raucous shrieks that it had made,
Could no longer my Self persuade.

For something’s changed, I’ve changed myself,
My life, the way I now perceive has changed,
The gentle Voice of Love took me away from hell –
How gladly did I hell for Love exchanged!
The peace I feel does grow on me, and I become,
The essence of the peace from where the Voice did come.

The life goes on, the body still contains,
My essence, wanting to break free. I know –
Some lesson still unlearned for me remains,
Yet my life now so peacefully does flow,
For I have heard the Truth, have learned to Love,
Nothing this world does offer is enough!

Time’s passed, the words mean less, I’d rather pray,
In silence of my holy, one healed mind
The path I follow does no longer sway,
Now nothing in this world for me remains to find.
Since I have felt salvation’s hand,
My love knows much, but not an end.

The Fear

God wills only the happiness for me,
And yet at times I’m still afraid so much,
And when afraid, I do refuse to see,
Oblivious of God’s so gentle touch.

How does it happen, fear absorbs me so?
What did I do, deserving timid fate?
I try being still, yet ego asks for more,
Rejoices ego much when I’m afraid.

So I give up, unable to resist
The ego’s wicked guile, that shakes me still,
That keeps me buried deeply in the mist,
That hides from me the Love I cannot feel.

So violently and cruel the fear still lives in me,
It shakes my body with primordial force,
The terror blinds my eyes, I cannot see,
Of Light I’m unaware when I’m under this curse,

Of all the good, of anything that’s real
I’m unaware too, being blinded with disgust,
For when I am afraid, the hate I also feel –
When fear is me, I cannot live in trust.

And so the ego leads me into hell –
Oh, how I suffer when I follow it!
I buy its lies with my own soul to sell –
Ego accepts, I am so lost, and I do quit…

But just before it grasps my holy Self
The Voice inside grows stronger, and I hear!
The Voice will never let to lose my Self
It does protect me so, when ego’s near.

I’m still afraid, the fight goes on inside,
Day after day in conflict I exist,
But every day the Voice is by my side:
Grows weak the ego, I’m seeing through its mist.

It does take time for fear to go away
It does take patience, yet I persevere.
With such allies I’ll never lose my way:
Thought after thought, the ego’ll disappear!

The Moment of Temptation

As I go now about this task
I do condemn myself to death
I’m not my Self, on put the mask,
And I believe that it’s this breath,

That is my life, this body’s me,
I’m mortal, empty shell about to die,
I have this thought of not allowing be,
My nature, purpose, love of mine.

And I am raising against God,
Thinking my will can conquer His,
My true self I remember not,
I have forgotten laughing at mistakes, it is

A shame I am so lost
This very moment choice I make:
This pain accepting as the cost,
Putting my true life at the stake.

The Secrets

So many things in this life seem so strange,
And clearly, many things you do not know,
Forbidden secrets, designed to derange,
Telling you lies, the truth they never show.

The bargain you are having still with God,
To find the answers you believe you need,
In order to continue suffering not,
Your destiny you’re trying to meet.

And you believe that God but plays a game,
To lead you through a world of misery,
Condemning you to suffering and shame,
And so you suffer, suffer bitterly.

With such belief, God does seem cruel indeed,
To lead you through a journey with no end,
You suffer till his whims you fully meet,
And so in suffering your life you spend.

But it’s your ego that plays this cruel game,
This foolish stranger living deep inside,
If you allow, it’ll surely place a claim
On what you are, denying you true sight.

God has no secrets, His truth is pure indeed,
You do not need to prove yourself to Him,
You do not need to suffer, scream and bleed,
All secrets are your own – attempt to hide your sin.

What could be secret from God’s Will?
What could He hide from His own Son?
You’ve made these secrets when you’ve killed,
Your Self, unconscious what you’ve done.

Let not your fear of sin emerge,
Do not allow your ego be,
For it will gladly sing your dirge,
For you’ve made it in order not to see.

This secrecy opposes pure love,
Assuming there are wicked things to hide,
But all this hiding’s not enough,
Your Self through hiding you can’t find.

Open your eyes and let defenses go,
The truth’s inside, you have but learn to see,
True vision’s to your ego – final blow,
Letting it go, you will allow your Self to be.

Crusaders of the Truth

In these tough times of darkness so obscure
We need protection from imagined sin,
We are to follow those only who matured,
We’re not allowed to look for truth within.

Crusaders of the Truth will show the way:
They will attack the sinners of this world
Who dare through wicked teaching lead astray
The sheep who blindly follow what they’re told.

Crusaders of the Truth won’t rest in peace
Till every sinner of the world’s exposed,
Their Holy mission – showing where Truth is,
Stomping to dust the ones who Truth oppose.

But in these times, which are indeed obscure,
Crusaders of the Truth themselves’re opposed.
In times when even teachers’re insecure,
In times when Son of God can be so loathed,

In these dark times the flock must guided be
By Voice of God – Martyrs of Teaching Pure,
Who won’t allow the lies of sin to be,
Protecting from Crusaders’ sly allure.

And so they fight, and viciously at that,
And flock has been forgotten long ago,
Neither Crusaders, nor Martyrs will let
To halt the growth of egos – so they grow.

How much importance are we to assign,
To understanding not our “holy” ways?
Are we too blind to see so clear a sign
That it’s our fight, which ego stronger makes?

Are they important so, ways of this world,
That we will kill our Self in name of them?
We’re deaf to Voice, which to us clearly told –
We’re not to slaughter God’s innocent lamb.

No matter! Voice of God does grow so dim,
Crusaders of the Truth are fighting on
With such persistence, gruesome and so grim,
Until the last mistake (judge they) is gone.

Indeed, the Voice is dim, the truth’s obscure –
Martyrs of Holy Light will fight the same,
For only they hold teaching true and pure,
And so they teach – through anger, hate and shame.

The ego

The ego shakes my body still
And fuels me with its beliefs.
It teaches me its “truth” – to kill,
And so I listen – so it lives.

The ego takes away the pain –
For single moment, day, a year,
It takes away this awful shame
And I forget that it is near.

The ego makes me feel so good –
It does not win if I am lost,
It craves for pain, its basic food,
But it’s afraid to pay the cost –

If ego torments me too much,
I might start searching for an end
Of pain which is the ego’s crutch
And so it offers me its hand.

The ego’s most of all afraid –
It is in terror if I’m still,
But oh, how well it does persuade! –
So subtly whispers how I feel.

It gives me pleasure of a kind,
It strives that I get fleeting highs,
It hides behind what’s in my mind
Through guile and slyness, tricks and lies.

The things it offers seem so good:
The music, that excites me so,
The books, that lighten up my mood,
The drugs, that take me down so low,

The people – which it says I need,
The power – buying others’ love,
The money – vice of mine to feed –
All worldly things, which I can’t get enough.

The ego knows its game so well –
It planned it billions years ahead!
It tricked me, put me here to dwell,
Severed my mind and made me mad.

It’ll surely go to any length
To make me mindless, without will,
To make me lose remaining strength –
It never aims to wound, but kill.

So many things so mindlessly I do,
Do strengthen ego, help it grow in me –
Unconscious things, or conscious too
Make ego strong, not letting Self to be.

For eons it’s been winning at this game,
How many lifetimes did I suffer here?
It tricks through anger, blame and shame
To do my worst, not letting my love near.

I’m tired, lost, I don’t want what it has,
I’ve suffered much – tormented billions years!
Thus ego steps away, it does torment me less,
With patience waiting while I dry my tears.

It rests so still in corners of my mind,
It knows I am afraid to look for source of pain –
With complex tales and lies defensiveness’s designed,
Through constant guilt my will does ego drain!

It is afraid so much when I’m becoming sane,
It does not want me starting on this search,
It does step back when I am tired of its game –
Behind my back it lights anew the torch.


Time passes by and I calm down,
Life seems like it’s becoming good,
And so again at many things I frown –
The ego’s back, for I supply it with new food.

This lifetime ends, I die in pain,
Rejoices ego, caring not for me,
And all my suffering does seem in vain
For I allowed my foe to be.

Yet, for a moment between lives,
Without a body I am still –
Through stillness, truth of God does rise,
I am reborn, but now I stronger feel!

As soon as body takes me back
The ego’s there, like predator in hunt,
It takes it slow my life to wreck,
It is afraid to show its hate so blunt.

It’s very patient, so it waits
For me to grow, enjoying life,
But soon again it shows just how it hates
My Self, my Love – it leads me into strife.

Life after life I’ve suffered much,
In vain it seemed – but it was not! –
Through lessons pure, through gentle touch,
I was remembering one God.

I am much stronger in this life,
The ego feels much less secure,
I am resisting pointless strife,
I am aware of its allure.

And yet —
It does its worst, and resting not,
It tries to bring the horror to my mind,
For eons strongly ego fought;
Its terror stricken now – its end to find.

This time around I know it’s there:
I’ve learned its tricks, I see its guile,
I know its hate, deception and despair –
But now I live with gentle smile –

The God Himself protects me now,
Enough I grew, remembering Him,
And when One does remember how
Love feels – the ego grows mortally dim.

The words mean less, without them ego’s weak,
I do not need to search and think,
I do not need to strive, to speak,
I simply am, no longer on the brink.

I know from where ego came,
I am aware of mistake
Which I thought real, bringing the shame,
Forgetting Love, putting all being at the stake.

With knowledge pure I walk through clouds –
No longer can the shadows on the wall
Seem real – as if tormented crowds
Are walking still in darkness of the hall.

No longer Son of God is fooled,
No longer ego rules the dream,
Enough of what seemed as its rule –
The wicked light in it grows dim.

I have the power of One God
To fuel in me the perfect Love –
The things of this world bother not,
The One who knows, who’s seen enough.

Sonnets of Love – 21 (A Gift)

I have a gift I want to share with you,
It’s not something you pride upon –
It’s not a thing at all.
I cannot gift it, saying what’s true,
You have this gift, when ego’s gone –
The gift is Love, which makes you whole.

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