Something has to change,
Something has to give –
Is this world deranged
So hard to forgive?
Am I all alone? –
When I’m lost in thoughts,
Am I too far gone
From my own pure source?
I don’t know – too late!
Searching for an end,
I don’t contemplate,
Nor do I pretend
That all ends with death –
Has it any use?
Ending of my breath
Does not lead to Truth.
Will is slowly deprecating
Strength leaves body, life unravels –
How much time I’m estimating
Left for my own pointless travels?
I don’t know, future’s unclear.
Waiting in my own despair
For the shadows to appear
My whole self succumbed to prayer.
Why I pray? – myself unsure.
What I ask is long forgotten –
All my words seem immature,
All my hopes by my words trodden.
What’s the use has all the hoping
For the knowledge of salvation? –
I cannot continue coping
With my spirit’s deprivation.
Having a deep respect – so great –
For Bible, Christians, their traits,
Yet am I one? – I’m not, can’t be –
For my eyes sin have ceased to see.
Studying Buddhism in my short life
Did help to realize the strife,
And such a meaningless pretense –
But would it be such an offense,
To still insist with question pure –
What Am I? What path offers cure?
Buddhist I’m neither, though respect
Is just the same – I can’t neglect –
The Truth and Wisdom in each way –
Each points to Truth, yet we delay
To follow truly what we’re taught
And pray to pointers – all for naught.
Not having a TV to watch
The time goes slower on my watch;
No interest in gossip void,
Makes one’s life totally devoid –
Of any waste, even of time,
Of all the hurdles and the crime,
Which we project through judging “sin” –
Seeing in others what’s within.
Writing the poetry divine
(Which I can’t say yet about mine)
Does not help Truth to understand –
Being a poet – can’t pretend.
And going still about my life
Each day – a struggle to survive,
Yet am I body? – I am not,
It’s just a shell in which I’m caught.
The question still stands – “What am I?” –
An empty question in my eye!
But take away the needless “what”
And you stand closer to One God.
Without the “what”, what we have left –
But “Am I?” And with all respect –
I Am, my friend – just as You Are,
We stand as One – Truth Is – not far.
God wills only the happiness for me,
And yet at times I’m still afraid so much,
And when afraid, I do refuse to see,
Oblivious of God’s so gentle touch.
How does it happen, fear absorbs me so?
What did I do, deserving timid fate?
I try being still, yet ego asks for more,
Rejoices ego much when I’m afraid.
So I give up, unable to resist
The ego’s wicked guile, that shakes me still,
That keeps me buried deeply in the mist,
That hides from me the Love I cannot feel.
So violently and cruel the fear still lives in me,
It shakes my body with primordial force,
The terror blinds my eyes, I cannot see,
Of Light I’m unaware when I’m under this curse,
Of all the good, of anything that’s real
I’m unaware too, being blinded with disgust,
For when I am afraid, the hate I also feel –
When fear is me, I cannot live in trust.
And so the ego leads me into hell –
Oh, how I suffer when I follow it!
I buy its lies with my own soul to sell –
Ego accepts, I am so lost, and I do quit…
But just before it grasps my holy Self
The Voice inside grows stronger, and I hear!
The Voice will never let to lose my Self
It does protect me so, when ego’s near.
I’m still afraid, the fight goes on inside,
Day after day in conflict I exist,
But every day the Voice is by my side:
Grows weak the ego, I’m seeing through its mist.
It does take time for fear to go away
It does take patience, yet I persevere.
With such allies I’ll never lose my way:
Thought after thought, the ego’ll disappear!
My path has taken me so far,
To places I’ve seen not before,
The journey, following my star,
This journey started in a blur.
My search was long, not easy too,
What I was looking for – knew not
And yet, I felt the need to follow through,
I felt the lesson I was being taught.
Yes, I have been so lost at times,
At others I have felt alone,
I did condemn myself of crimes
When I was facing the unknown.
Yet I pursued, I persevered,
I felt this journey had to be,
I’ve followed through, my view I’ve cleared,
It took much time to finally see:
This journey helped me to become
Who I am now so proud to be,
There was a time for it to come,
For it to make me finally free.
It built this person I am now,
It strengthened up my faith in me,
I’ve learned the lesson: I know how
The journey destined me to see.
I walk this world, and search, but then I’m still
So lost, yet no more at a loss –
Outside of me Truth cannot be.
I’m strong, but that’s not how this body feels,
And so I’m searching for the cause –
Is it preventing me to see?
How did you come upon this book?
What is it, that have brought you here?
Is it the Truth you’re looking for?
To see – you only have but look
And realize – it’s always near,
Right now, not after, nor before.
You look for answers everywhere,
Perceiving problems are “out there”,
You try to solve them with your might,
But nothing can be solved through fight.
How should I live?
What should I do?
When should I forgive?
Whom should I answer to?
How arrogant it is for you
To really think you ever knew
The real question you must ask
To finally complete your task.
You dreamed of problems in your mind,
And so it is the only place
Where answers you will find.
Now you can cease your search “out there”
And see indeed – the Truth is everywhere.