Spiritual Advance

Love holds no grievances

Tag: LIfe

The Climb

The darkness, wroth, and vile decay of my perception
The thoughts – my own so precious thoughts reveal
How deeply I’ve succumbed into my own deception
And having reached the depths of misery I feel,
I’ve started asking why this world appears to be
And how my eyes such suffering were taught to see.

The town of sin with dirt, that covers all but spires
Is there to tempt, submit to pain and torture me
With guilt, which rises from the depth of my desires
And leads to life so brief – yet full of misery.
Oh, wretched fate, why am I brought to knees before
My own so wicked mind, with its so wicked lore?

The spires rising into sky, unseen from down below
Are told to hide the answers to the pain I feel.
I make my way through solemn crowds, moving so slow –
With trembling hand held on the handle of my steel,
In fear concealed, my body shakes, yet I proceed –
Fear of my past makes me increase my speed.

The streets, stretch tortuously, hissing behind my back.
The dwellings welcome not a stranger from the night
The beggars stretch their arms – I stretch my soul with bigger lack –
What’s left inside of me, what is so rife but my own fright?
Determined to proceed, reflecting gazes of such hate,
I solemnly exceed the expectations of my fate.

The madmen and vile rogues walk streets of ancient town,
With hungry faces, searching eyes and stretching arms,
They’re reaching out to grab me, seize me, take me down,
Only my sword half sheathed protecting me from harms.
Yet what am I? – Myself a wicked madman too!
I am no different from them – the things I’d do! –

To find the answers of my long-forgotten past,
To end the guilt, the shame, the thoughts that tear my mind,
To be relieved of weary life for which I lust –
My eyes show me but sin – I’d rather have them blind!
Yet I’ve arrived to entrance of the ancient tower
The darkest halls inside – do lure, devour.

No one is here, no need the entrance to protect –
Only the desperate fools, with their own lives so blear,
Come searching for the answers they expect –
The ones who dare to enter – disappear.
Yet through my shame, I grew so desperate indeed,
Like Life, the Death itself has in me little need.

The halls are silent, yet alive – somehow I feel
The presence, that cannot be seen with human eyes.
The darkness does conceal something beyond unreal,
As if the silence hides behind itself the silent cries.
I hesitate and pause, my soul is drenched in fear,
Yet moving on I must, stepping inside – I disappear.

I light my torch and look around, try gazing into dark –
Not much to be admired in ancient tower.
All quiet, not unlike tomb, only my torch does spark,
Or are these sparks of my own fear that me devour?
The desert scorpions and centipedes that crawl around
Make it so gravely clear – I am unwelcomed on their ground.

I gaze above – the darkness hides the secrets of the tower,
No one attends to it, no one’s inside – abandoned view.
Unwelcoming, damp air fills this desperate hour,
The floor, the walls – and air itself – of grayish, lifeless hue.
And only stairs, half-broken, spiral into skies,
Hint to the madness of the ones who try to rise.

“The desperation” – word so poignantly describes my mind,
My very self, my life – past, future, even now –
The desperate have no choice, nothing is left behind,
Neither ahead – not much to find. And yet somehow
I gather strength still left in me, saving the time
From pointless thoughts, regrets and fears – I start the climb.

Slowly I crawl – the shaking legs on stairs half-intact
Do not encourage speed, with which I’d rather climb
My torch seems struggling through the dark, it does retract
From the unknown I seek, myself being pushed through time
Only by my own sense of crime and all the sin,
All rotten thoughts that I conceal within.

The danger of the fall for fallen ones unknown
And yet I tremble, skips a beat my heart when I gaze down
And see but darkness, silent yet alive – I’m not alone!
The tower lives, it’s breath sucks in the air from the ground.
In suffocating hall, I further crawl – I know not where
My deprecating will increases much my own despair.

The climb, so stretched in time, seems like it lasts forever,
Sparks of my torch lick moss on walls to which I cling,
Guiding me through most desperate endeavor –
The depths so far below no answers to me bring,
The cold and the unknown is where alone I head,
Such madness! – yet, to reach such goal one must be mad!

Yet somewhere, very far, unreachable it seems
I see a light, so dim as if being unreal,
As if it’s coming from my own illusive dreams –
It offers hope which darkness can’t conceal.
They say – “Have hope, for God is always just”
I pray this to be true, for moving on – I must!

At times I look into the darkness of abyss,
Which gazes back deep into darkness of my soul,
And brings cold sweat with winds ascending from beneath
But nothing stops me on my way, as I climb to my goal.
The endless climb and my own desperation,
Provoke my mind’s own endless contemplation –

Of what is life? What death will bring? Why am I here?
The tower’s silent, my mind’s not –
As I approach the highest plane of fear
I start my prayer to the God.
Strange how I wish but to be heard for once,
Approaching death, could I be heard perchance?

My life was not as bad as it has been for most
Yet that uneasiness was always driving me insane –
Each time I smiled, it did not last – I paid the cost
Of guilt, consuming my whole self, and ever growing shame
That wicked voice inside of my own weary head
Through my own thoughts and fears unconscious bred.

How pointless is the strife of old and tired world,
How difficult to see the light through constant sin
Living in darkness all my life, such desperation untold
Grew deep inside of me, consumed me from within,
That I could bear not calamity of life
And was being led on desperate search through strife.

Yet what is strife, what do I strive for, why?
If I could contemplate, even in wildest dreams
That happiness or peace were anything but lie,
My search for answers and forgiveness for my sins
Would have a reason – point perchance,
Yet all’s for nothing – I advance.

The journey of my desperation taking long –
Much longer than my torch can blaze in dark
The only torch I’ve had here all along
Is growing weak, and gives its final spark.
Tears fill my eyes, as I remain alone in wretched tower
Where darkness and the cold surround my final hour.

What’s use for crying now, when on the brink of death
I sit on ancient stairs, afraid to move?
Time slowly passes by and heals with every breath
Helps to calm down, a little panic to remove.
The eyes get used to dark – not much but just enough
I slowly crawl to where the light grows still, yet rough.

The light so dim to which I climb, does slowly grow
And then through one of many cracks in mossy walls
A bird flies in – a raven bringing message from below –
Sits on a ledge. Grave silence in the tower falls.
Is it a token of my death, which I should heed?
Or my own sick imagination, and there’s no need?

Black bird is barely seen against the darkened wall
Such motionless reproach in its cold-staring eyes
Shakes me with waves of fear – it’s begging me to fall.
In sweat, I harder grip the wall – preventing my demise.
The raven’s still, no movement in its eyes, no signs of life
With time, I too calm down – fear but confirms – I’m still alive.

The seconds pass, the minutes gone – the bird is still.
The messenger of death does not approach – I’ve yet to live,
And battling through the terror in my heart, gathering my will
I slowly move to where light still grows – so I perceive.
I throw a cautious look at where the bird remains –
It doesn’t move at all, but with its eyes my self contains.

I’m lost in thought, so mesmerized by bird of night
That legs move by themselves, hands firmly against wall
And all I crave for is to reach the distant light
Yet cannot help, but walk towards the fall.
What I expected, why did I surmise
That tower offers anything but my demise?

In panic of my fall I catch the ledge where raven sits.
The blinding power of the light enclosed
The raven – inches from my face – same light emits,
Yet doesn’t move, but stares into my eyes exposed.
With all my strength which still remains I cannot rise, but cry
As raven suddenly, severely, deadly – plucks mine eye!

The pain, the terror, blinding light and desperation
Combine together, as I – drop one much-shaken arm.
The raven leaps into my face, with such an adoration –
Plucks other eye, causing great suffering and harm,
That other arm of mine is now released,
And I fall down, about to be deceased.

The blood which filled my eyes seconds ago
Combined with deadly light to which I crawled
Did not allow the darkness over me to grow
But holds myself in dark red hell enthralled.
Being blinded – darkness should be all I see
Yet final light I saw, seems like it is becoming me!

The time slows down, I hang in space – or so it seems.
Life races fast behind dead eyes while I’m alive,
And all events that seemed so real become but dreams,
As I swing arms in air, and anxiously strive
To keep myself from falling down to my demise.
Yet time resumes – and only light still blinds still eyes.

How long did I proceed with my own climb to death?
Somehow the fall seems like it’s taking longer still
With bloodied, blinded eyes, and suffocating breath
I glide through air so fast, but cannot feel
The thump, which ends my suffering on earth,
Which ends all pain, all pointless hopes and dearth.

Or am I dead, and this is hell? – to fall in pain,
To glide in blindness, praying for demise,
Without one’s eyes, trying to grasp something in vain,
In hope that fall will stop when body dies,
When death denies to take a sinner of such scale? –
In dark red hell I shall eternally prevail.


Still standing – moribund,
Pretending that I found
What lies beyond the death,
I draw my final breath.

A body strives to live,
My soul – but to forgive.
Beyond the veil declined
Whole world – but not my mind.

It still perceives the light
And keeps the same old fight.
The lessons still unlearned –
I’m hurled to earth – returned.

Again – I start anew!
It is as if I knew:
The figures in the dream
Are me – or only seem?


The body released, as it’s taken away
Into the waters, so strangely obscure.
The lungs, crystallized with salt blocking the way
To pure air forever – life’s so insecure!
You’re ready to go, leaving all this behind
Oblivious to what you are going to find.

And now, somewhere else, the time has been slowed,
Remembering at last the source of your sin,
You are terrified in your formless abode –
The traitorous voices scream from deep within.
What comes after death? You’ve been told it’s pure light
Yet everything’s dark and so chilly inside!

All of the pain, the terror, the strife,
Races through spirit, trapped still in its dream,
All of the nightmares – each life after life –
Remembered at once, in one endless stream.
You’ve failed to awaken – death has no use,
The body is left not through death, but through Truth!

The spirit screams silently – horribly screams! –
With billions of voices – familiar each…
As long as it’s lost in its own wicked dreams
The Heaven remains so far out of reach.
You’re hurled back into “life” to try once again,
“Am I so forsaken!?” – voice whispers: “Amen!”

Such Is the Life

Centipede bite
And well deserved –
The strongest pain
One life preserved.

Scorpion sting
Burns under skin –
Convulsions bring
The heat within.

Rattlesnake bite
Leads to slow death –
You scream in spite
Of your last breath.

Such is the life
Made up by us –
Each creature’s strife –
Another’s loss.

Breathe Deep

Breathe deep – inhale,
The thoughts will wait – succumbed
Into eternity – so frail,
Your very essence is – unbound.

Breathe deep – with eyes
Wide shut – no need to look.
Breathe deep – anxiety dies,
You need but breath on path you took.

Breathe brave – the grave
Will wait – you’re here now,
So breathe! – and crave
This breath, like it’s the last – allow –

The breath to be, the mind to cease
To speak, to think – the eyes –
To cease to see – but breathe!
Allow the peaceful breath – to rise.

Sonnets of Love: Forgiveness

No matter what you do or what you think,
No matter what life seems to put you through
Don’t ever let the guilt emerge – forgive.
Forgiveness is your savior on the brink
Of hate, your only hope on path so true,
Which brings you home where peacefully you live.

The ego

The ego shakes my body still
And fuels me with its beliefs.
It teaches me its “truth” – to kill,
And so I listen – so it lives.

The ego takes away the pain –
For single moment, day, a year,
It takes away this awful shame
And I forget that it is near.

The ego makes me feel so good –
It does not win if I am lost,
It craves for pain, its basic food,
But it’s afraid to pay the cost –

If ego torments me too much,
I might start searching for an end
Of pain which is the ego’s crutch
And so it offers me its hand.

The ego’s most of all afraid –
It is in terror if I’m still,
But oh, how well it does persuade! –
So subtly whispers how I feel.

It gives me pleasure of a kind,
It strives that I get fleeting highs,
It hides behind what’s in my mind
Through guile and slyness, tricks and lies.

The things it offers seem so good:
The music, that excites me so,
The books, that lighten up my mood,
The drugs, that take me down so low,

The people – which it says I need,
The power – buying others’ love,
The money – vice of mine to feed –
All worldly things, which I can’t get enough.

The ego knows its game so well –
It planned it billions years ahead!
It tricked me, put me here to dwell,
Severed my mind and made me mad.

It’ll surely go to any length
To make me mindless, without will,
To make me lose remaining strength –
It never aims to wound, but kill.

So many things so mindlessly I do,
Do strengthen ego, help it grow in me –
Unconscious things, or conscious too
Make ego strong, not letting Self to be.

For eons it’s been winning at this game,
How many lifetimes did I suffer here?
It tricks through anger, blame and shame
To do my worst, not letting my love near.

I’m tired, lost, I don’t want what it has,
I’ve suffered much – tormented billions years!
Thus ego steps away, it does torment me less,
With patience waiting while I dry my tears.

It rests so still in corners of my mind,
It knows I am afraid to look for source of pain –
With complex tales and lies defensiveness’s designed,
Through constant guilt my will does ego drain!

It is afraid so much when I’m becoming sane,
It does not want me starting on this search,
It does step back when I am tired of its game –
Behind my back it lights anew the torch.

Time passes by and I calm down,
Life seems like it’s becoming good,
And so again at many things I frown –
The ego’s back, for I supply it with new food.

This lifetime ends, I die in pain,
Rejoices ego, caring not for me,
And all my suffering does seem in vain
For I allowed my foe to be.

Yet, for a moment between lives,
Without a body I am still –
Through stillness, truth of God does rise,
I am reborn, but now I stronger feel!

As soon as body takes me back
The ego’s there, like predator in hunt,
It takes it slow my life to wreck,
It is afraid to show its hate so blunt.

It’s very patient, so it waits
For me to grow, enjoying life,
But soon again it shows just how it hates
My Self, my Love – it leads me into strife.

Life after life I’ve suffered much,
In vain it seemed – but it was not! –
Through lessons pure, through gentle touch,
I was remembering one God.

I am much stronger in this life,
The ego feels much less secure,
I am resisting pointless strife,
I am aware of its allure.

And yet —
It does its worst, and resting not,
It tries to bring the horror to my mind,
For eons strongly ego fought;
Its terror stricken now – its end to find.

This time around I know it’s there:
I’ve learned its tricks, I see its guile,
I know its hate, deception and despair –
But now I live with gentle smile –

The God Himself protects me now,
Enough I grew, remembering Him,
And when One does remember how
Love feels – the ego grows mortally dim.

The words mean less, without them ego’s weak,
I do not need to search and think,
I do not need to strive, to speak,
I simply am, no longer on the brink.

I know from where ego came,
I am aware of mistake
Which I thought real, bringing the shame,
Forgetting Love, putting all being at the stake.

With knowledge pure I walk through clouds –
No longer can the shadows on the wall
Seem real – as if tormented crowds
Are walking still in darkness of the hall.

No longer Son of God is fooled,
No longer ego rules the dream,
Enough of what seemed as its rule –
The wicked light in it grows dim.

I have the power of One God
To fuel in me the perfect Love –
The things of this world bother not,
The One who knows, who’s seen enough.


This worthless life of yours, with all pretense,
With grandiosity you want them to respect,
Does not allow you being not so tense,
Any advice you’re offered, you reject,
Being unhappy, yet so blind, you think
You know the truth, when you are on the brink,

Of facing all your castles in the air
Break down, and taking with them seeming life,
And with it taking that for which you care.
You’ve always lived on the edge of the knife,
Nothing you’ve built, achieved can ever last,
You’re careless, yet this “life” ends very fast.

You walk this world with ignorance immense,
And being blind, it is the truth you do neglect,
So all you’ve done does not make any sense,
The meaning you are trying to project,
Will not remind you of the truth,
Each thing and every thought you but misuse.

And you continue being just a fool,
Believing in this “life” you have achieved a lot,
Being so blind you pray for ego’s rule,
Your specialness – it seems so highly sought,
That you forget of what you are,
This road leads you from truth so far.

Yet God smiles gently, bathing you in love,
That you have never sinned – He knows,
To Him, your willingness to see’s enough,
Your will for happiness so clearly shows –
Pure love is what you are, always will be,
He does not doubt, that soon you’ll clearly see.

The words I say come not from me,
And so we both can hear them deep inside,
Please recognize the truth and pray with me:
“My Friend, I want you always by my side,
With You I want in love to bathe,
Please help me strengthen up my faith,

Please help me see as through Your eyes,
I’ve been mistaken, but not anymore,
All life of mine, I’ve followed ego’s lies,
But not so now – that was so long before.
I’ve been a fool, knew not what I have done,
I have abandoned God, from Heaven I was gone”.

Sonnets of Love – 15

You think of all the things you call your life,
You have suspicion, I am sure,
For there is conflict deep inside.
Right now you’re simply trying to survive –
Survival’s what makes life obscure,
For where it is, death will abide.

Remembering to Live

We’re lost in our erratic thoughts
And seeing them as real,
We truly feel,
As if the pain and suffering
We go through each and every day,
At any point may
Show us where happiness is
And how to find our perfect peace…

The memory of God
To the disturbed mind –
Comes not.
The one who tries to find
The Truth in any thing,
Love alongside hate,
If pleasure is in separation seen
This one’s determined to dream.

Remembering to live –
We’ve managed to forget
How to forgive
And see,
That it’s not what we get,
But what we give.
How we forgive is showing clearly
Our desire for war or peace,
And what do we hold dearly –
The ego’s hate or God’s perfect bliss.

The Laws of Death

You look around and misperceive,
You walk this world and you believe,
That everything you see around
Reflects the laws of time,
To which you’re bound.

The time, a seeming master of your life,
It forces you to live forever in a strife,
To struggle, trying to survive –
Survival you’ve confused with life.

The Laws of Death are rulers in this dream:
It is by their word you die
And realize that life had only seemed –
The rulers of your dream will not conceal a lie,
To hide from you their essence – which you dreamed.

It is a world in which you only seem to live
And you are following these Laws of Death,
Because you’ve chosen to believe
That your life depends on body’s breath.

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