Still standing – moribund,
Pretending that I found
What lies beyond the death,
I draw my final breath.
A body strives to live,
My soul – but to forgive.
Beyond the veil declined
Whole world – but not my mind.
It still perceives the light
And keeps the same old fight.
The lessons still unlearned –
I’m hurled to earth – returned.
Again – I start anew!
It is as if I knew:
The figures in the dream
Are me – or only seem?
The body released, as it’s taken away
Into the waters, so strangely obscure.
The lungs, crystallized with salt blocking the way
To pure air forever – life’s so insecure!
You’re ready to go, leaving all this behind
Oblivious to what you are going to find.
And now, somewhere else, the time has been slowed,
Remembering at last the source of your sin,
You are terrified in your formless abode –
The traitorous voices scream from deep within.
What comes after death? You’ve been told it’s pure light
Yet everything’s dark and so chilly inside!
All of the pain, the terror, the strife,
Races through spirit, trapped still in its dream,
All of the nightmares – each life after life –
Remembered at once, in one endless stream.
You’ve failed to awaken – death has no use,
The body is left not through death, but through Truth!
The spirit screams silently – horribly screams! –
With billions of voices – familiar each…
As long as it’s lost in its own wicked dreams
The Heaven remains so far out of reach.
You’re hurled back into “life” to try once again,
“Am I so forsaken!?” – voice whispers: “Amen!”
Could it be said, that God is dead, when nothing’s else alive?
Could you perceive, even achieve the knowledge of pure love,
When all you do – deny the truth, and through denial strive?
When all you are is all He is, yet This is not enough?
Could you assume, in all the truth, that body’s what you are?
And then presume that your misuse of everything in life
Helps to achieve the knowledge pure, perceived to be so far.
Of knowledge this you’re unaware through trying to survive.
Survive in world where meaning’s not, thinking that God is dead,
Survive in life which lasts a day, or even hundred years –
Nevertheless it’s bound by time, belief in which is mad
For time destroys what you call life – the essence of your fears.
But could you think, and truly think that time can kill your life?
And on the brink, when you do sink into the great unknown
What’s left of you is what you are, when body’s not alive:
You will be Love, or if you want – back into hell reborn.
The ego shakes my body still
And fuels me with its beliefs.
It teaches me its “truth” – to kill,
And so I listen – so it lives.
The ego takes away the pain –
For single moment, day, a year,
It takes away this awful shame
And I forget that it is near.
The ego makes me feel so good –
It does not win if I am lost,
It craves for pain, its basic food,
But it’s afraid to pay the cost –
If ego torments me too much,
I might start searching for an end
Of pain which is the ego’s crutch
And so it offers me its hand.
The ego’s most of all afraid –
It is in terror if I’m still,
But oh, how well it does persuade! –
So subtly whispers how I feel.
It gives me pleasure of a kind,
It strives that I get fleeting highs,
It hides behind what’s in my mind
Through guile and slyness, tricks and lies.
The things it offers seem so good:
The music, that excites me so,
The books, that lighten up my mood,
The drugs, that take me down so low,
The people – which it says I need,
The power – buying others’ love,
The money – vice of mine to feed –
All worldly things, which I can’t get enough.
The ego knows its game so well –
It planned it billions years ahead!
It tricked me, put me here to dwell,
Severed my mind and made me mad.
It’ll surely go to any length
To make me mindless, without will,
To make me lose remaining strength –
It never aims to wound, but kill.
So many things so mindlessly I do,
Do strengthen ego, help it grow in me –
Unconscious things, or conscious too
Make ego strong, not letting Self to be.
For eons it’s been winning at this game,
How many lifetimes did I suffer here?
It tricks through anger, blame and shame
To do my worst, not letting my love near.
I’m tired, lost, I don’t want what it has,
I’ve suffered much – tormented billions years!
Thus ego steps away, it does torment me less,
With patience waiting while I dry my tears.
It rests so still in corners of my mind,
It knows I am afraid to look for source of pain –
With complex tales and lies defensiveness’s designed,
Through constant guilt my will does ego drain!
It is afraid so much when I’m becoming sane,
It does not want me starting on this search,
It does step back when I am tired of its game –
Behind my back it lights anew the torch.
Time passes by and I calm down,
Life seems like it’s becoming good,
And so again at many things I frown –
The ego’s back, for I supply it with new food.
This lifetime ends, I die in pain,
Rejoices ego, caring not for me,
And all my suffering does seem in vain
For I allowed my foe to be.
Yet, for a moment between lives,
Without a body I am still –
Through stillness, truth of God does rise,
I am reborn, but now I stronger feel!
As soon as body takes me back
The ego’s there, like predator in hunt,
It takes it slow my life to wreck,
It is afraid to show its hate so blunt.
It’s very patient, so it waits
For me to grow, enjoying life,
But soon again it shows just how it hates
My Self, my Love – it leads me into strife.
Life after life I’ve suffered much,
In vain it seemed – but it was not! –
Through lessons pure, through gentle touch,
I was remembering one God.
I am much stronger in this life,
The ego feels much less secure,
I am resisting pointless strife,
I am aware of its allure.
And yet —
It does its worst, and resting not,
It tries to bring the horror to my mind,
For eons strongly ego fought;
Its terror stricken now – its end to find.
This time around I know it’s there:
I’ve learned its tricks, I see its guile,
I know its hate, deception and despair –
But now I live with gentle smile –
The God Himself protects me now,
Enough I grew, remembering Him,
And when One does remember how
Love feels – the ego grows mortally dim.
The words mean less, without them ego’s weak,
I do not need to search and think,
I do not need to strive, to speak,
I simply am, no longer on the brink.
I know from where ego came,
I am aware of mistake
Which I thought real, bringing the shame,
Forgetting Love, putting all being at the stake.
With knowledge pure I walk through clouds –
No longer can the shadows on the wall
Seem real – as if tormented crowds
Are walking still in darkness of the hall.
No longer Son of God is fooled,
No longer ego rules the dream,
Enough of what seemed as its rule –
The wicked light in it grows dim.
I have the power of One God
To fuel in me the perfect Love –
The things of this world bother not,
The One who knows, who’s seen enough.