Spiritual Advance

Love holds no grievances

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Thoughts

I lay alone under a tree,
Feeling nostalgic and whatnot,
I thought of all I came to be –
Whether I’m cursed or blessed by God?

I thought the thoughts – some strange indeed!
“I think therefore I am” – Am I?
Were I to follow where they lead,
What comes of “me” when “my thoughts” die?

Or could it be that I’m asleep?
It seems so real, but would I know?
Often nightmares seem real indeed
Even when having strangest flow!

Such thoughts made sudden change in me,
I realized – I have no will!
The sky came down so suddenly,
And I woke up, in my room still.

How strange – my thoughts that were unreal,
Conceived beyond the thickest haze,
Brought new perception of surreal,
Helped to escape from wicked maze.

Now in my bed, as I lay still,
Nightmarish thoughts bring back the dream –
Voice in my head cries loud and shrill –
Opened my mouth, but could not scream!

The Dead

The dead may sleep,
And so may I
The dead must keep
Tight shut their eye
While they pretend
That it’s a rest
To find one’s end
In death expressed.

Waiting until
The day I die
I struggle still
Living a lie.
Restless as all
Who wait for death
Under control
Of failing breath.

Love Making

Love making
In darkness
Enlighten
The flesh.

Flesh shaking
We harness
Our senses
Refreshed.

A body
Assumes role
Of junction –
How odd!

Extending
Love in soul
Is function
Of God.

My Light

I am asleep, yet my light shines,
Transcends the time, travels through space,
Reaches into the dark confines
Where dead are laid in morbid place.

My light reflects from dusty walls,
Erodes the dirt, moving gravestones,
Raises the dead in darkest halls,
Restoring flesh on rotting bones.

Awake the wretched, rise again!
In dreams of death abide no more!
Stretch out your limbs, renewed as men,
Follow the light through opened door!

And when you breathe the peaceful air –
Walk through the planes and mountains steep,
Follow my light to hidden lair,
And do not leave myself asleep!

Uncertain

Does bird feel tortured when she’s made to fly?
So why do we stay so uncertain still?
Lost in the endless search until we die,
So out of touch with remnants of our Will.

Truth is not frail, it is our greatest gift –
Would you exchange it for a pile of dust?
For dreams of pain and goals that always shift,
For hopes of gain, when all you gain is rust?

“Uncertain of one’s path” – I’d say: “Insane!”
Caught in such sleep where light remains unseen,
Dreaming of choosing between death and pain
While praying for forgiveness of no sin.

Such Is the Life

Centipede bite
And well deserved –
The strongest pain
One life preserved.

Scorpion sting
Burns under skin –
Convulsions bring
The heat within.

Rattlesnake bite
Leads to slow death –
You scream in spite
Of your last breath.

Such is the life
Made up by us –
Each creature’s strife –
Another’s loss.

In Pain

I dreamed of killing raging God,
And then I dreamed that I’m awake –
From dream to dream illusions brought
The pain – the proof of my mistake.

The sweetest pain, along with time,
The strongest witness against God!
Proving existence of the crime,
Reward, for which I’ve always fought!

Excruciating beyond hell,
Constant companion of mine,
Intoxicates the bloody smell –
I am in pain through my design!

I slit my veins, with drops of blood
Draw tiny circle around me –
A place where God will enter not –
To be in pain, or not to be?

 

Ancient

Old I am not – ancient I am.
The struggle of my endless search
Had never ceased – still bleeds the lamb
That I have slaughtered to exist.

“Existence” – dying, born anew,
Growing to die another day,
Stretching the time, as if I knew
Why I still act the same old play.

One day I’ll take you by the hand,
Touch gently, lovingly – just so,
Look in your eyes, cease to pretend,
That what you are I do not know.

And you will smile, in ancient eyes
Reflecting traces of the road
Which comes to end as we arise
Joined in our oneness unto God.

 

Teacher of the Blind

I’m not a saint – could you not tell?
I’m generally doing well
Avoiding judging you out loud –
While in my head – of judgement proud.

With devil walking hand in hand
I cannot help but to pretend
That what I know is better taught
Yet my own teacher chaos wrought!

He whispers, hissing in my ear:
“Come here my son, and have no fear,
I’ll show you wonders of the world
And you’ll perceive as you are told”.

Being blind, I see but through his eyes
And can be sure of only lies,
I am convinced something’s not right –
How could your love escape my sight?

Misunderstood

Another body bit the dust,
Another tragedy unheard…
I take the cross and see but rust –
Erodes and crumbles Holy Word.

Faith lives today – tomorrow dies…
Under cold rain alone I stood
Raising my hands to broken skies –
“Could I be so misunderstood?

Is it my job to spread the lies?
Why should I care for what is heard?”
A preacher who the hardest tries
Will better teach holding a sword…

…Yet, reaching in my coat I grab
The Holy Word, trying to find
Between the pages wet and drab
How to connect with my own kind?

The Moment of Temptation

As I go now about this task
I do condemn myself to death
In blinding rage on put the mask,
And I believe that it’s this breath –

This is my life, this body’s me,
I’m mortal shell about to die!
Still praying of not letting be
True nature, purpose, love of mine.

And I am raising against God,
Thinking my will can conquer His,
For eons I this battle fought
I laugh at very thought of peace!

It’s such a shame I am so lost,
Yet there is always choice to make:
This pain accepting as my cost,
Or to wake up from my mistake.

Second revision

Failed Again

Will I be ever understood?
Trying to share with fellow men
Thoughts nourished in the pensive mood,
I realize – I failed again.

Yet can they ever hope themselves
To share the news of darkest day,
Relax the curse of private hell,
And hope another sees their way?

Yes – hope they can, and hope they will!
In blurry fantasies they might
Perceive that someone will fulfill
The role of savior in their sight.

“Hell’s other people” one might say,
And while he lives another day
And sees the bodies born and die
His “truth” I hardly can deny.

Romance of the Hell

Ask for no romance of the hell,
It has an air of rotten stench.
What it reminds of – could you tell?
A thirst impossible to quench.

Fight never for the cause of sin,
Nor waste your breath for its defense,
When you find courage – look within –
A stranger laughs at your expense.

Ask for no peace of warring lords,
Hope for no mercy when you’re caught –
Unheeded left your begging words
When body to the scaffold brought.

Seek never answers in this world,
Pray not for body to maintain
Your love and soul – both had been sold
For chance in body to remain.

Not Other Day

Dark night, so quiet – unseen the sin
With eyes of flesh  – can I begin
To recognize how much we’re lost?
I hesitate – too high a cost.

Day comes anew, rises the sun –
What if we knew what we have done?
Would we find courage, choose again? –
Not under burden being men.

When will we wake from dreams obscure? –
Never while time still has allure.
We pray, give sacrifice in blood,
Yet it persists – all is for naught.

I wish I could… No, even pray! –
That I could see not other day,
And break free from the chains of time
Awaken from my seeming crime.

Listen

Listen attentively, discern
The feeling of the ancient voice,
Which calls you gently to return
And make another, loving choice.

A memory now dim, and yet
It’s not forgotten – no, not quite.
A feeling which at times you get
Gently persisting in your mind.

Listen, please heed the soundless song!
Amidst the turmoil of your life
Sometimes you feel you don’t belong
In place of never ending strife.

What says the song when it is heard?
The meaning different for each
With silent, gentle, holy word
It does remind, but never preach.

The Cave

Five man tied tightly in one place
In darkest cave, in front of wall
With shadows lurking which they face –
What was before? – They don’t recall.

One man is me, the other – you,
The third is God, and fourth – His Son.
The fifth is Lucifer, he knew:
When all are tied, the Truth’s undone.

You have escaped – God knows not how!
Now you have seen that there’s much more,
And so return and make a vow
To teach us all What was before.

We listen to your sinful craze –
Amazed at heresy untold,
God kills His Son – blood runs for days! –
Smiles Lucifer, and we – behold…

A Man

A man walked silently in bliss
And did not judge, nor saw a sin,
But emanated subtle peace,
That he had shining from within.

Some saw him, cried: “A Son of God!”
But many said: “He’s evil pure!
For jewish laws he cares not,
Must die while he is still obscure!”

Indeed, he died, or so it seemed
For those who pray to rotten flesh;
For those who lost in dreams undreamed
He whispers gently truth afresh:

“Teach not that I have died in vain,
Teach rather that I live in you!
And thus eternally remain
One with my brothers in God’s view”.

The Trees

A beauty, peace, such strong resolve –
I walk between the trees of life,
Fruits shine with light and I dissolve
Into same light where there’s no strife.

Awakened mind knows but pure love:
All-encompassing, holy, strong.
Describing it – no words enough,
It is a gentle, wordless song.

Before I wakened, used to walk
Between the trees of false desires
With fruits not unlike shameless liars,
There was no peace, but endless talk:

Confused in mind so deep asleep
The words formed into guilt and shame,
Seducing me to sell so cheap
My soul for shining gilt and fame.

Those trees bore fruit rotten to core,
Hopelessness was their only stench;
So many fooled to come for more!
Stretching their arms for lowest branch.

And when the fingers touch the rot
In but a moment – petrify…
The stench makes mind in deep sleep caught,
With dreams of sin that terrify.

But deep – a memory remains
Of what it’s like beyond the dream,
When one used seeing peaceful planes,
And washed tired bones in holy stream

Of love, unknown in world of pain
Where trees of hopelessness prevail.
Who would prefer there to remain? –
Self-tortured in self-chosen jail.

The Dreams I Dreamed

I walked unsure, at times depressed,
So often stumbling on my quest!
At times being lost or so it seemed
When I believed in dreams I dreamed.

I dreamed of Earth, being born in dust,
And of our brethren and the cost
That we have paid with spirit pure
To come to form – dying flesh obscure.

I dreamed of me – or was it you?
So many figures, quite a few
Appeared to me in dreams of sin
But could it all come from within?

The time shall come, I need but wait,
When I wake up in pure state,
When I remember what I am,
And cease to dream, and cease to damn.

Dark Forest

In darkest forest entered two –
So somber, not a smile is seen.
Thick bushes, dirt they battled through;
Tonight one dies for other’s sin.

The moonless night, clouds hide the stars –
And even owl afraid to cry –
Black trees slit view not unlike scars;
Two sinners walk, but one must die.

A clearing where they arrive
Shows precipice and dark abyss.
The victim hurried with a knife;
They wait – something is still amiss.

Dark mist surrounds unpleasant view –
An omen they’ve been waiting for –
In dead of night slit throat looks blue;
The body hurled with heavy roar.

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