Centipede bite
And well deserved –
The strongest pain
One life preserved.
Scorpion sting
Burns under skin –
Convulsions bring
The heat within.
Rattlesnake bite
Leads to slow death –
You scream in spite
Of your last breath.
Such is the life
Made up by us –
Each creature’s strife –
Another’s loss.
I dreamed of killing raging God,
And then I dreamed that I’m awake –
From dream to dream illusions brought
The pain – the proof of my mistake.
The sweetest pain, along with time,
The strongest witness against God!
Proving existence of the crime,
Reward, for which I’ve always fought!
Excruciating beyond hell,
Constant companion of mine,
Intoxicates the bloody smell –
I am in pain through my design!
I slit my veins, with drops of blood
Draw tiny circle around me –
A place where God will enter not –
To be in pain, or not to be?
Old I am not – ancient I am.
The struggle of my endless search
Had never ceased – still bleeds the lamb
That I have slaughtered to exist.
“Existence” – dying, born anew,
Growing to die another day,
Stretching the time, as if I knew
Why I still act the same old play.
One day I’ll take you by the hand,
Touch gently, lovingly – just so,
Look in your eyes, cease to pretend,
That what you are I do not know.
And you will smile, in ancient eyes
Reflecting traces of the road
Which comes to end as we arise
Joined in our oneness unto God.
I’m not a saint – could you not tell?
I’m generally doing well
Avoiding judging you out loud –
While in my head – of judgement proud.
With devil walking hand in hand
I cannot help but to pretend
That what I know is better taught
Yet my own teacher chaos wrought!
He whispers, hissing in my ear:
“Come here my son, and have no fear,
I’ll show you wonders of the world
And you’ll perceive as you are told”.
Being blind, I see but through his eyes
And can be sure of only lies,
I am convinced something’s not right –
How could your love escape my sight?
Another body bit the dust,
Another tragedy unheard…
I take the cross and see but rust –
Erodes and crumbles Holy Word.
Faith lives today – tomorrow dies…
Under cold rain alone I stood
Raising my hands to broken skies –
“Could I be so misunderstood?
Is it my job to spread the lies?
Why should I care for what is heard?”
A preacher who the hardest tries
Will better teach holding a sword…
…Yet, reaching in my coat I grab
The Holy Word, trying to find
Between the pages wet and drab
How to connect with my own kind?
As I go now about this task
I do condemn myself to death
In blinding rage on put the mask,
And I believe that it’s this breath –
This is my life, this body’s me,
I’m mortal shell about to die!
Still praying of not letting be
True nature, purpose, love of mine.
And I am raising against God,
Thinking my will can conquer His,
For eons I this battle fought
I laugh at very thought of peace!
It’s such a shame I am so lost,
Yet there is always choice to make:
This pain accepting as my cost,
Or to wake up from my mistake.
Second revision
Will I be ever understood?
Trying to share with fellow men
Thoughts nourished in the pensive mood,
I realize – I failed again.
Yet can they ever hope themselves
To share the news of darkest day,
Relax the curse of private hell,
And hope another sees their way?
Yes – hope they can, and hope they will!
In blurry fantasies they might
Perceive that someone will fulfill
The role of savior in their sight.
“Hell’s other people” one might say,
And while he lives another day
And sees the bodies born and die
His “truth” I hardly can deny.
Ask for no romance of the hell,
It has an air of rotten stench.
What it reminds of – could you tell?
A thirst impossible to quench.
Fight never for the cause of sin,
Nor waste your breath for its defense,
When you find courage – look within –
A stranger laughs at your expense.
Ask for no peace of warring lords,
Hope for no mercy when you’re caught –
Unheeded left your begging words
When body to the scaffold brought.
Seek never answers in this world,
Pray not for body to maintain
Your love and soul – both had been sold
For chance in body to remain.
Dark night, so quiet – unseen the sin
With eyes of flesh – can I begin
To recognize how much we’re lost?
I hesitate – too high a cost.
Day comes anew, rises the sun –
What if we knew what we have done?
Would we find courage, choose again? –
Not under burden being men.
When will we wake from dreams obscure? –
Never while time still has allure.
We pray, give sacrifice in blood,
Yet it persists – all is for naught.
I wish I could… No, even pray! –
That I could see not other day,
And break free from the chains of time
Awaken from my seeming crime.
Listen attentively, discern
The feeling of the ancient voice,
Which calls you gently to return
And make another, loving choice.
A memory now dim, and yet
It’s not forgotten – no, not quite.
A feeling which at times you get
Gently persisting in your mind.
Listen, please heed the soundless song!
Amidst the turmoil of your life
Sometimes you feel you don’t belong
In place of never ending strife.
What says the song when it is heard?
The meaning different for each
With silent, gentle, holy word
It does remind, but never preach.
Five man tied tightly in one place
In darkest cave, in front of wall
With shadows lurking which they face –
What was before? – They don’t recall.
One man is me, the other – you,
The third is God, and fourth – His Son.
The fifth is Lucifer, he knew:
When all are tied, the Truth’s undone.
You have escaped – God knows not how!
Now you have seen that there’s much more,
And so return and make a vow
To teach us all What was before.
We listen to your sinful craze –
Amazed at heresy untold,
God kills His Son – blood runs for days! –
Smiles Lucifer, and we – behold…
A beauty, peace, such strong resolve –
I walk between the trees of life,
Fruits shine with light and I dissolve
Into same light where there’s no strife.
Awakened mind knows but pure love:
All-encompassing, holy, strong.
Describing it – no words enough,
It is a gentle, wordless song.
Before I wakened, used to walk
Between the trees of false desires
With fruits not unlike shameless liars,
There was no peace, but endless talk:
Confused in mind so deep asleep
The words formed into guilt and shame,
Seducing me to sell so cheap
My soul for shining gilt and fame.
Those trees bore fruit rotten to core,
Hopelessness was their only stench;
So many fooled to come for more!
Stretching their arms for lowest branch.
And when the fingers touch the rot
In but a moment – petrify…
The stench makes mind in deep sleep caught,
With dreams of sin that terrify.
But deep – a memory remains
Of what it’s like beyond the dream,
When one used seeing peaceful planes,
And washed tired bones in holy stream
Of love, unknown in world of pain
Where trees of hopelessness prevail.
Who would prefer there to remain? –
Self-tortured in self-chosen jail.
I walked unsure, at times depressed,
So often stumbling on my quest!
At times being lost or so it seemed
When I believed in dreams I dreamed.
I dreamed of Earth, being born in dust,
And of our brethren and the cost
That we have paid with spirit pure
To come to form – dying flesh obscure.
I dreamed of me – or was it you?
So many figures, quite a few
Appeared to me in dreams of sin
But could it all come from within?
The time shall come, I need but wait,
When I wake up in pure state,
When I remember what I am,
And cease to dream, and cease to damn.
In darkest forest entered two –
So somber, not a smile is seen.
Thick bushes, dirt they battled through;
Tonight one dies for other’s sin.
The moonless night, clouds hide the stars –
And even owl afraid to cry –
Black trees slit view not unlike scars;
Two sinners walk, but one must die.
A clearing where they arrive
Shows precipice and dark abyss.
The victim hurried with a knife;
They wait – something is still amiss.
Dark mist surrounds unpleasant view –
An omen they’ve been waiting for –
In dead of night slit throat looks blue;
The body hurled with heavy roar.
A lifetime of pure love. We live
As one, unseparated still,
In pleasure and in pain we give
Support and comfort, love until
Time ends. But even then remains
Our love forever pure – when time
Comes to an end, the bloody stains
And shadows of imagined crime
Are finally cleansed and we return
To what we were before we fell
So deep asleep. Were we concerned
That Heaven’s not for us to dwell?
It hardly matters – Not when we
Are holding hands. There’re no demands,
And no concerns – for now we see
The holy light – Our Love expands.
No judgement passes in my mind but only love –
You, my dear friend, look into my mind’s eye!
Embraced by holiness I stay, no words enough
To show you what it means to live without a lie.
You seem to be apart, alone and fearful still,
And I’m perceived in your eye as a stranger too
But there is one note in our heart we feel
Which sings and joins our souls forever through.
Attentively in quiet moment stay with me
And let us hear that note which sings in us:
The freedom from the world is ours, we let it be –
In such a holy moment there’s no loss.
What you perceive is not what you will truly see
When you receive the feeling of forgotten peace
In which no eyes of flesh needed for you and me
To see the holy light that shines: “God is”.
I have been travelling alone:
So many times I fell and cried,
So often I have prayed to stone,
So often found myself in fight.
Yet to my path I have been true –
It is impossible to turn!
I know I have to see it through
Before to peace I can return.
And every time I cried in vain –
It only seemed, for every step
Had taken me away from pain,
Each day I drew a sacred map –
A plan on how to walk this path,
Which leads us through journey of life
Where bridge ‘tween death and life I cross
Through overcoming pointless strife.
Along this path I met with you:
Taking your hand, as one embraced
Together we will follow through
To holy love with which we’re graced.
Along the holy path we walk
And all we feel is sacred peace
We’ve ceased to doubt, and even talk –
But simply walk to where God is.
And all we see is holy light
Which lights the road and guides our way,
For even in the darkest night
You, me and God – as one we stay.
I come back home and put my sword aside,
Put down my shield covered with stains of war,
And let my weary head rest from the fight
At last enjoying calm of peaceful shore.
It seemed the war had raged for many years:
So many brothers fell but not for naught,
So many mothers shed their sorry tears
Now mixed ‘tween grief and joy in their distraught.
But now the war is gone, pain is no more –
The suffering and death we have been caused
And needless pain I have caused to my foe
Have brought me here where in my thoughts I’m lost
I look back and rejoice, for past is but a dream,
The future is unseen when I am here,
Surrendering my thoughts which only seem
And finally becoming free of fear.
The judgments, thoughts and fears that led to war
It’s time I lay aside, leave far behind –
In peaceful grace I don’t need anymore
The heavy baggage of my restless mind.
Beyond the good and bad is where I’m from –
Now I forget the reasons why I fought,
Forget the war, forget this world and come
With wholly empty hands unto my God.
The light
Which shines in me
With holy might –
I let it be,
And recognize –
The light is me.
The peace
Such holy thought
Which we dismiss
When we are caught
In ego’s mind –
What has it brought? –
The pain.
Abandoned soul
Seems to be stained
With only goal –
Remembering
Its holy role.
Forgive
And you will see
How what you give
Allows your peace to be
And shine inside,
Cleansing your sight.
The light
Is but your own,
Is God’s own might
In which you’re known.
Awake from sin –
Look deep within!